Pancakes

I woke to a cool and overcast day this morning. My best friend, Richard, texted me a good morning and started my day off right with an amazing song (see below). Then I made myself pancakes for breakfast, and my mood shifted. I was blasted with happy memories of my dad making my family pancakes. I could never flip them right but he was and is the pancake-flipping king. It's rather odd that something so minute can make me miss him and the rest of my family like mad.

Today, for me, is the day of battle. I can feel the battle between my typical pessimism and self-hatred rising up with swords against the positive thoughts I'm attempting to implement into my daily life. It's a difficult road and one that I would typically have given up on by now. For example, one of my girl friends texted me today about how she was worried that a guy was in love with her. My first thought was, "At least someone loves you." My last boyfriend dumped me because he fell out of love with me, and when this friend mentioned this fear of love, I couldn't help but take it personally. My thoughts are clouded with thoughts like "I'm not good enough" and "No one will ever love me" today. And I know deep down that these thoughts are ridiculous.

I. Am. Amazing.

Yes, I have my faults like everyone else. But I need to stop looking at those and start building up the things about myself that are absolutely amazing. I have the power to control my life and make myself who I want to be. If I want to change myself, then so be it. But I shouldn't feel obligated to change myself because other people want me to or because I feel I should change for them.

While it sucks that my relationship ended, I'm not sad that it's over. I miss my friendship with my ex more than anything. And I know that I'll have to deal with the jealousy and self-doubt for time to time. I know that although I tell myself that I deserve better (and it's true), stupid thoughts of insignificance and inferiority will plague my mind for a while. It's just part of the healing process. Yes, I was hurt, but that doesn't make me any less of a person than I was before the relationship ended. These are things I need to remember.

Life is too short to hate myself or to tear myself down. It's too short to settle for anything short of true happiness, as well. I deserve the world. And you know what, you do too Reader. We all deserve to be happy and to feel comfortable in our own skin. There's really no point in being unhappy or miserable.

So today, I'll sway the battle raging in my head and in my heart. I'll bet on White, on the positivity, and control my own emotions instead of letting the world do it for me. And then, when it's said and done, I'll call my Daddy and tell him I miss his pancakes. Because that's who I am. :)




FYI: Take a listen to this song and be happy.