New Beginnings

I've spent the entire day devoted to moving. My ex helped me load and unload anything into my car and his truck, and surprisingly, it only took one trip. He was rather upset as he had worked a long night, didn't sleep well, and was scheduled to work as soon as he finished up helping. But me -- I was ecstatic. Nothing could ruin my spirits. I've spent practically the entire day unloading, organizing, and fine-tuning the things I own to turn this place into my home.

And as I sit here in my new condo, I pause to reflect on what could be. On the phone today, my dad said something to the effect of:

"You're where you should've been a year ago and I'm proud of you." 

I don't, by any means, discount the past year and few months. I've loved and I've learned. I've made new friends and astonishingly, kept some of the old. I've grown and am beginning to understand who I am, which is a lesson it's taken me far too long to comprehend. But it makes me curious of what lies ahead. What amazing things does the future hold for me?

Perhaps my bestie and partner in crime, Richard, will move up. If so, the adventures we'll face are monumental. I can only imagine.

I could (and hope to) find more hobbies. And who knows? Maybe one of those future hobbies could lead me down a path I wouldn't have expected.

Maybe I'll fall in love again.

And maybe, just maybe, I'll be happy.

Honestly, one of the most terrifying things about this situation - moving into a place alone - is the possibility of loneliness. I feel as though I've done rather well these past few months alone. I've learned that silence isn't always bad; it can sometimes be overwhelmingly peaceful. But, as a natural-born pessimist, the thoughts of doubt begin to creep into my mind and make me wonder. I don't want to get into the rut that I once was, where I felt alone, unloved and unwanted. I know better than to believe I'm unloved now as my friends and family do their damnedest to remind me everytime I'm with them.

So because of that, and because of my new-found want to be positive, I pledge here that I'll try everything within my power not to let myself fall into the pit of loneliness and self-pity again. I plan to get out of my condo and do things that would have made me uncomfortable. I want to workout so I can work on not only the mental, but the psychical side of myself. Here's to hoping that things fall into place.