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Friday, August 21, 2015

We Are The Creators and Destroyers of Worlds

I woke up in a horrible, terrible, incredibly not-good mood today. It's getting closer to shark week, so my emotions are going haywire and I'm focusing on the smallest things today. I find myself wanting to change -- wanting to be happy, but it's as though my head is at war with itself. One one hand, I feel comfortable in the negativity. It has been a companion of mine for quite some time. It's safe. On the other hand, however, I know I am a better person when I'm happy. I want to be a better me, and to do that, I feel that I need to make some changes to myself.

I've written up a list of things I need to fix about myself. I think that part of this is also just changing my perception for certain things. I am, by nature, a negative, jealous, lazy person. But that doesn't mean that I have to stay that way.

Firstly, I need to stop being so negative and stop overthinking. In reality, it doesn't really help anything. Worrying and focusing on the bad only stress me out more. I need to stop thinking in extremes. It's almost comical the way that my head tries to freak me out. Rather than focusing on the bad and getting in a whirlwind of unlikely scenarios -- I should be focusing on the good. Little issues will always happen, and there's no point in stressing over things that won't matter in a month, five years, etc.

Going along with the negative thinking, I also need to be less snarky to certain people. In reality, bad-talking doesn't help anything and causes friction in the long run. I know deep down that by taking a jab at someone, it's simply reinforcing my insecurities in myself. What I need to do is focus on the positive things about these people, rather than pointing out their flaws. No one is perfect; especially myself.

A remedy to the negative thinking, is to simply start smiling and laughing more. By forcing a smile on my face, and thinking of happy things, I can trick my mind into changing my mood. Some jerk cut you off on the way to work? That sucks, but remember when you laughed so hard you almost cried? Hell, even just looking at pictures of cute animals, or texting a friend will typically boost my mood, so why not do it?

I would also love to get back into shape. I have a problem with binging on foods, overeating and eating crap foods in general. I've thought about changing this before, but I need to get serious with it. I need to make a point to drink more water, to go on walks whenever possible or ride my bike when it's nice out. I need to do portion control, stop eating junk and just feel better in general.

I also have a bad habit of blowing money on frivolous things. I am a very impulsive person, so I need to realize where my temptation lies and squash it so I can save more money! By putting more into my savings account, and only having a certain amount of money that I am allowed to spend, I'll save a lot more than if I simply accept every whim.


I need a hobby -- and the one hobby that I find really makes me happy is art. I love painting and hanging them up for visitors to see. I'm a pretty self-loathing person, but it makes me happy when people compliment my work. I need to start setting aside time to be creative. I need to try to learn something new and set a goal to achieve it. I need to be more adventurous. 

Something my dad and I have recently talked about is how much phone-time people nowadays have. Their phones are always on them and it's honestly an issue. I don't remember the last time I went somewhere without my phone, which is a rather sad truth. I want to disconnect from the electronic world. There's nothing incredibly important that's posted on Facebook. It's just a waste of time to occupy the gaps in my day. I need to put it down during dinner, and find alternate things to fill my time instead. By doing so, I'm sure I'll be able to focus on the now much more.

Lastly, although these are all things I want to fix about myself, I also need to remember to simply be myself. Everyone has imperfections. It's how we live with them and push through them that make us who we really are. I need to take a moment to be real and be grateful for who I am. Because I'm the only me that there is. And you know what? I'm happy with myself.

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